‘What I Meant to Say’…How the Great Pause can be the Perfect Time to Find Your Voice

Photo by Maria Krisanova on Unsplash

One of the reasons I like to write is because of that little gap of space between thought and action that the page provides. Writing comes with drafts, edits and a whole lot of backspacing. Like everyone at some point in life, my words have failed me. I remember being 13 years old and a boy would talk to me…there were no coherent words, just mortified mumbling. Then I would walk away and think

“What I meant to say was…”

And the warmth that had risen to my embarrassed face would hang around for a few more minutes.

Another time I couldn’t find my voice was after I pulled my two year old out of our backyard swimming pool after he fell in and couldn’t swim. The words,

“tell dad to call 911”

were etched into my brain, but when I opened my mouth to speak, they wouldn’t come out. I am still convinced it was the visual of me carrying him across the lawn that put the call into action, I don’t think my voice ever surfaced until after the fireman got there.

There are many reasons we lose our voice in this world, from trauma, embarrassment, to fear of what other people think. Even though they are all 100% human, life is much better when we learn to speak up with our own unique voice. When we do, we create powerful stories of connection that bring us together through universal truths. What I’ve discovered as we all keep our distance through this great pause is that solitude gives us the perfect time to discover our feelings and express them. There is less distraction, a smaller audience to weigh in with their own thoughts, and a quieter schedule to give us time to sit and figure out why and what we think, independent from our usual groups.

Here are a couple of things I have discovered that I meant to say…the quiet just reminded me.

1. It’s ok if my story isn’t for you. I don’t tell it to offend anyone. I know that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know to be true. But there is healing power in our story when we are bold enough to speak. If my story helps one person, then it’s worth telling and since it helps me when I tell it, I can check that off the list. Once we know the power of our story, and every story has power, we feel free tell it. And when we do, heal from the stress, shame, or guilt it caused when it was buried beneath our surface.
2. My story looks different than I thought it would, but I’m not done telling it. Whenever we compare ourselves with others or focus on what we had instead of what we have, our perspective takes a turn for the worse and we dwell in the past instead of taking steps to our brightest future. There is no manual for a joy filled happy life. It’s through learning to accept the ebbs and flows, and twists and turns, that we become the fullest expressions of ourselves. When we try to silence part of our story, we lose our ability to learn what we were meant to find out about the deepest parts of ourselves. When we are able to sit with discomfort and surrender to it, we break through and discover something new every time.
3. I need to pause to restore my energy. I’ve never taken physics so I have mistakenly written about ‘creating energy’ before. Energy is not created or destroyed, it simply changes forms. One of the things that changes my energy is rest and recovery. I used to be too prideful to take it, thinking that sleep or seeking down time by saying no was lazy. Now I know that time to recover makes me more efficient with the energy I have. This forced slow down teaches me everyday how to use my energy with greater purpose and efficiency, and let the things that don’t matter, or are better left for the talent of others to fulfill to fall away.

While there are so many parts of ‘normal’ life that we all miss right now, the introverted optimist in me finds the silver lining in these slower, quieter days. There is time to improve our focus, discover how we are wired, and what we really mean to say. With so much out of our control, speaking with our own true voice is empowering. Through this, we discover our strength and the why of our days. Struggle is part of every human life and we have to learn to push through it. My hope is that we will emerge from this time stronger, more self aware, and with each of us knowing what it was that we always meant to say.